I know.

Dear Friends,

What do you do when someone tells you that people whom you thought were your friends are really talking about you and putting you down behind your back?  This is something that has been on my mind for a while now and I thought that since it’s been a while, I would finally address the issue for I see people who know what’s going on getting uncomfortable when they see me. It’s almost like I can hear what they are thinking:

 “Does she know?” “Should I tell her what’s going on?” “I don’t want to get involved but, this isn’t right.” “Damn, this is awkward. What do I do?”

 Well, I am here now to address the issue.

 It was brought to my attention about a month ago that two people that I thought were my friends have actually been talking about me behind my back and making fun of me. When I found out, I was upset but decided that I have more important things to worry about in my life right now. If you don’t know, I am currently 5 months pregnant with my first child and she (yes, it’s a girl) and my husband is what I am focusing on. This is my first pregnancy and the things on my mind currently are “What should the baby wear when I bring her home”? “How am I going to decorate the baby’s room”? “The baby shower is coming up. I need to get the invitations out.” “Am I 100% sure about naming the baby, Abby?” “I need to talk to H. R. and see how much maternity leave I am looking at.” There are more important things in my life to think about right now than who’s talking about me behind my back. Dealing with this isn’t really a priority for me.

Yesterday, it was brought to my attention again that these two people were making fun of things that I had posted on my Facebook page on Wednesday and again saying things about me. I’ve kept my mouth shut for a month but, I’ve decided that I am going to address the matter.

I’m not going to say who these two people are. It really doesn’t matter. But to those who know that it’s happening for I know that there is more than one person who knows, I want you to know that, I know what’s going on. I haven’t mentioned it, asked around about these two or said anything to these two people for, again, I have more important things to worry about. And… these two people making comments and saying things about me, well… it doesn’t make themselves look good. So… I just wanted to say, I know what’s going on.

Does it bother me? Yeah, to a point it bothers me. It’s troublesome to hear from people that someone who you thought was a friend is actually not and there’s not a whole lot you can do about what is going on. No matter what you do in life, it’s unfortunate that people are going to talk about you no matter what. You have to decide, what is more important? Right now, my main focus is on my family.

Am I going to do anything about this? Am I going to run and tattle on them? Right now, no. At the moment, its rumor and I don’t have true and hard evidence. However, I am reminded about what God says. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” I’m really just trying to take comfort and know that God is handling the problem and soon, I will have a beautiful baby girl that I helped bring into this world and this irritation will soon just be a distant memory.  

Everyone gets their comeuppance. I really don’t have to do anything.  God’s vengeance is a million times stronger than what mine is. He knows what can really hurt and hinder us and make us think and wonder.

So, I just wanted to say, I know what’s happening. At this point in time, I’m not going to do anything. I’m not going to say anything to these two people. I’m going to let God handle the situation. He already knows what’s going on. And soon, this situation will be remedied.

It’s sad that I haven’t written in a while on my notes and that for the first time, in a long time, the subject is about people talking about others behind their back. However, I just wanted to let people know, I’m aware of the situation and its being taken care of… supernaturally.

I hope that everyone has a good day.

*Nikole*

Vinegar = Results

They say you get a better response with sugar then with vinegar. However, during my life, I’ve found the opposite to be true.

  I really don’t like being mean to people. I really don’t. It just seems like now-a-days, being nice really doesn’t get you anywhere.  You try being nice to people and they don’t respond. You are mean to someone and you get a response. It doesn’t make sense to me really. It’s like, why do guys like girls that treat them like crap? Doesn’t make any sense. However, what guys like and don’t like in girls is not the point of today’s blog. What is, is…

 For years I have been suffering with sinus pain and pressure. I go to the doctor who gives me an anti-biotic and some pain meds and then sends me on my way just for about 4 months later have to go through it all again. However, something recently started that has me worried. My teeth are starting to hurt.

 I never knew that your sinuses can cause tooth pain. One of my teeth started bothering me so I went to the dentist fearing that I had a cavity and was going to need to get a tooth filled. I went to the dentist and my teeth are fine. She took an x-ray and it showed that my sinuses are hitting the roots of my teeth causing nerve pain. So, I finally decided to see a sinus specialist to get my sinuses looked at.

 We only have one ENT (ear nose and throat) doctor in the city that I live in and I will never see him. I have seen him once for ear pain and I won’t ever see him again. So, I got on my insurance companies website and found a doctor that accepts my insurance. I called him but he was booked till July so I seen his colleague.

I went to the appointment where the doctor said that I am probably going to need sinus surgery and that he wanted to do a CT of my sinuses. So, I had a CT scan of my sinuses done on a Tuesday. While there at the radiologist, they said that my doctor would get my results the next day (Wednesday). Wednesday comes and I don’t hear anything. Thursday comes and I call the doctor in the morning and leave a message asking if he received my results. I call again late afternoon and again leave a message. No one calls me back.

 Now, I totally and completely understand that doctors are busy people however; I don’t see how a simple phone call can’t be achieved by his assistant or himself in saying yay or nay whether he’s got my results yet. You have a patient that is in pain. The meds that you gave them isn’t working. What should the patient do?

 Finally Friday morning after leaving yet another message, I sent my doctor a fax and told him that if he didn’t call me back that day, I was going to see another doctor. Guess what happened? HE CALLED ME!! He told me that I was rude to send him such a note and that he didn’t get my results till Thursday and when I asked him why he didn’t call me on Thursday after I left two messages and tell me that, he didn’t have an answer. See… I tried being nice. I left messages telling him that I was in pain and was asking that he call me back and it wasn’t till I threatened to go to another doctor that he finally called me back.

 After looking at my CT scan and saying that it was, “Clear” he decided to give me an anti-biotic and prednisone (which is a steroid) and hold off on surgery. If the anti-biotic helps, he will do surgery on my sinuses. If it doesn’t help then, he will have to run more tests.

 So, yesterday and today, I took the anti-biotic and this morning I took the prednisone and while my sinuses aren’t bothering me, my teeth still are. I’m really frustrated and don’t know what to do. I got online and looked up my symptoms and found out that TMJ can cause all of my symptoms. The sinus pain and pressure, tooth pain, blurry vision, sensitivity to light. I’m really just tired of being in pain and need help in figuring this out. I’m hoping that the doctor will help me. If not… I will have to find a different doctor or maybe see an oral surgeon.

 But my point is, why do you have to be mean to get a response? Its like, when you go Christmas shopping and someone is in your way and you tell them, “Excuse me” while trying to get through the isle for they parked their shopping cart in the middle of it. You then say “Excuse me” a little louder and they still don’t hear you. It’s almost like you have to yell, “HEY GRANDMA! Move your cart, you’re blocking the whole freakin’ isle here!” And then they have the audacity to say/think, you’re rude. I wasn’t asking for much. All I needed was a simple phone call to say, “I’m sorry, the doctor hasn’t gotten your results yet” would have been totally and completely sufficient.

 I don’t know what I am going to do. My tooth pain started out with one tooth and now, it’s spread all over. I’m hoping and praying that the doctors can do something about this soon.

What do you think? Has this ever happened to you?

Release the Kraken!

      Do you ever get tired of talking about the same subject over and over again? Are you tired of having to explain yourself over and over again? That’s how I feel. I really do. I really don’t want to type up this blog but, I’m going to. It irritates me that people just can’t except people for who they are and it isn’t until after they explain themselves that they get some kind of understanding. However, I honestly feel like, why do I have to explain all this? Unfortunately there are just some people out there who need to be talked to… slowly. And even then they sometimes don’t get it. However, here it goes.

        I am a rare breed. Honestly, I feel like I should be put on the endangered species list because I am so rare. I am me and that’s all I can be. However, there are some people out there (a lot of people actually) who wishes that I wasn’t me and that I was different. However, I can’t be anything that I am not and I can only be what I am… an introvert.

        Yes… I am an introvert. I think I touched on this in the past but, I am again writing about it and I so want this to be the last time that I do it. I can’t write the entire reason why I am writing this blog. The only thing that I can say is that… It’s been brought to my attention (again) that I am seen as not being very personable. I don’t smile all the time and walk around being chipper and enthusiastic. However, I do hope that this blog can shed some light and makes people remember that we are all different. God didn’t make us out to all be the same. We are all different. It’s just that some differences are in the minority of the population. This is when it becomes, Clash of the Titans Personalities.  

              I’ve always felt different as a person. Even as a kid. I didn’t make friends real easily and I wasn’t the kind of kid to always want to be in the spot light. I really just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts and was content in my own little dream world. However, because of my personality, I was seen as “strange” and “odd” for being my personality type is the minority of most peoples.

            Growing up, I had no idea that people had different personalities. I had never heard of Introvert or Extrovert personalities. I had absolutely no clue. It wasn’t until I was in high school and did a personality test that I found out that I am Introverted. Reading about introvertism, I learned a lot about myself and am to this day still learning.

            What people don’t understand is that, Introverts are the minority when it comes to personalities. And… there are lots of different types of Introverts. 

Today I took 2 different personality quizzes and both told me exactly what I already knew… that I am an Introvert. However, one test told me that I am a INFJ which means,

I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INFJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).^[7]

N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INFJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.^[8]

F – Feeling preferred to thinking: INFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.^[9]

 

J – Judgment preferred to perception: INFJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability. ^[10

 

The other test that I took told me that I am a ISFJ meaning I am:

 

I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: ISFJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).^[7]

 

S – Sensing preferred to intuition: ISFJs tend to be more concrete than abstract. They focus their attention on the details rather than the big picture, and on immediate realities rather than future possibilities.^[8]

 

F – Feeling preferred to thinking: ISFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.^[9]

 

J – Judgment preferred to perception: ISFJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability

 

The only thing different between these two tests are the N and the S. And I believe both of them to be right. However, what’s with all the talk about personalities today? Well…

       

For a long time now, I’ve been told that I am not very “personable”. I don’t walk around with a smile on my face all the time and I don’t speak with enthusiasm when talking with people. So because of that, I am seen as impersonable and cold. I even had an elderly gentleman call me an “Ice Queen” because I wouldn’t, “smile” for him once. All the things that people have told me are 100% not true.

        According to the website: http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/infj/

INFJ’s make up an estimated 1% of the population of people. Yes, we are a rare breed. Thus making it hard for people to understand us.

Here are a few other websites that you can go to that explain my personality type.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/isfj/

 

            I’m tired of people thinking that just because I don’t walk around smiling all the time means that I am in a bad mood or angry. I’m not. Honestly, that just how my face looks. I have strong features that to which when looked upon may make one think that I am angry or upset and I am really not! I’m tired of people thinking that I am angry or upset just because I’m not sitting like a Cheshire Cat with a giant grin on my face. It’s frustrating. What people need to know is that, I’m like the most softest person on the inside. Really! I cry watching Dumbo each and every time that I watch it.

            The scene where Dumbo’s mom is locked up because she went Momma Bear trying to protect her baby from the mean children that were making fun of him and hurting him, she reaches her trunk through the bars to cradle and hold her baby while the song, Baby Mine plays… it always makes me cry and really moves me. However, I don’t think that I should have to explain that to everyone.

            So this is the last time I want to write or talk about this. All I ask is for people to except me the way that I am. I can’t change myself and be something that I am not. I don’t understand why people don’t get that.

 

Is it just me or do you feel like this too?

Newton’s Law (Not Fig Newtons)

Sir Issac Newton said it best when he said: To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. What ever choices we make in life are always going to have consequences. For example: If you decide to get drunk one night, you know that you’re probably going to have a hangover the next morning. You maybe feel good for a couple of hours but, you’re going to feel like crap the next day. 1 + 1 = 2, not 6. You drink, you get drunk, guess what… you’re going to feel it the next day. That’s why we must choose wisely. If we don’t choose wisely well, that just makes us look stupid. Like we didn’t think things through.

It’s come to my attention that the blogs I have written are making people who know me and my family go, “Oh my gosh! Why is she so angry?” “What happened?” Well, I’ll tell you.

Action: Growing up, I was extremely insecure. I was teased, harassed and was worried about everyone around me and making decisions based on, “What will people think of me?” Even as an adult, I lived my life for other people. I didn’t live life for me.

After losing over 130 pounds through Gastric Bypass Surgery and gaining a new-found confidence, (and after over a year of therapy), I decided that, I was stifling myself for others. I wasn’t being me. I was living for other people and I was tired of it.

Reaction: This blog is a way to get my personality out. Yes, I rant here and I may be a bit “edgy”. Honestly, It’s full of nothing but sarcasm. However, I’m being me. I’m extremely sarcastic. Ask my husband. “Is Nikole sarcastic?” I can already here the words coming out of his mouth, “Yeah, and she’s funny about it too!” I don’t care what other people think. The only opinions that I care about are God’s and my husbands.

This is a place for me where I can be open and honest in a sarcastic and humorist way. I’m not angry at all. I actually haven’t felt this good in years. Growing up, I was always told, “Don’t be a smartass!” Well, I’m an adult now and I am exercising a bit of post rebellious freedom and writing about what I want and saying what I want and not giving a damn. I’m really not mad or “angry” at all. I feel liberated in so many ways and liberation feels good. Ask the French! That’s why they eat so much bread and cheese and don’t worry about their carbohydrate consumption. See… Joke!

I’m being me for the first time in a very long time. I really think that with these movies like, Inception and Gattaca, people are really starting to over think things. Not everything is supposed to be a puzzle to decode and figure out. I think if you’re going to try to sit there and decode this blog and the other ones that I’ve written, you’re going to start developing cob-webs all over your body for first, I am a woman and even Steven Hawking himself said that he will never understand women. Freud himself said that he lacked a complete understanding of the female psyche… and his theories are basically psychology 101. Now that’s scary.

Let’s just face it. I’m a woman. I’m complex. No one is ever going to be able to figure women out so, why in the world are you going to try to solve the puzzle when there really is no puzzle to solve. I guess the only thing that I can think of is, in some ways, I still have a fat girl inside of me and I don’t let her eat.

See… sarcasm.

My husband was being sarcastic when he said, let’s paint the kitchen black. Well… we did and it looks awesome! I will definitely post pictures of what we did when everything is dried and finished.

But, back to Sir Issac and his theory.

A lot of people who were stifled and controlled go a little nuts and exercise their right to freedom. In high school, they may have been the band geek and always kept their nose clean and always did what was expected of them. Then when they go to college and they have some freedom, they go a little crazy experimenting and cutting class and just, living life and being young. Am I saying that that’s a reason to drink heavily, do drugs and have promiscuous sex? Absolutely not! But, I can understand the feeling of wanting to, “live a little” and not be so uptight.

I was wound up so tight as a teen, I didn’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. Now, I’m more relaxed and can say, “I don’t care what other people think” and can laugh at movies like, 21 Jump Street. Yes! It was ridiculous at times and I hung my head going, “OH MY GOSH!” However, there were some really funny parts and there was (believe it or not) a moral to the story.

So please, people who read my blogs and know my family. I’m fine. I’m going to be fine. I’m just exercising my right to speak my mind in a blunt, sarcastic and comical way. For all those out there who don’t personally know me or my family, I just have to ask…

Am I alone here or do you feel this way too?

 

 

 

 

Puzzled

Growing up, I’ve always loved Crossword puzzles. I grew up doing the crossword puzzle in the back of the TV Guide, or People magazine. I still do the People Magazine crossword puzzle. Every week I get my People, I go right to the back of the mag and do the crossword puzzle. People magazine also has a puzzle book they put out every so often full of puzzles and I HAVE to buy it when ever it comes out. I can sit there for hours and just do the puzzles. I got this from my Grandfather.

I also always thought, it would be an awesome job to create these puzzles. So, I did.

My husband is a very big San Jose Sharks fan and so, I created a Criss-Cross puzzle using all the players first name, last name or nickname. I also added the coaches names to this as well. Also, I created a puzzle using all the NHL teams using the team name or the city that they represent. Then, I broke it down even further and did the Western Conference teams and the Eastern Conference teams and used the team captains as well for those.

Because of being such a big San Jose Sharks fan and knowing that the Sharks Broadcasters, (Randy Hahn, Drew Remenda, Dan Rusanowsky, Jamie Baker, Brodie Brazil, Bret Hedican and Scott Reiss) are big part of keeping people interested in the game and are a valueable asset to the team. There have been times when my husband and I are at the game and we both think, “There’s something missing. What’s missing? Oh yeah! Randy and Drew”. There have been times where my husband and I went, “You know… honestly, I wish that we were at home snuggled on the couch eating pizza and listening to Randy and Drew.” So, when making puzzles, I had to make one for the broadcasters as well.

You can find all of these puzzles on my Flickr page at http://www.Flickr.com/DaughterHope

I sent these to the San Jose Sharks Broadcasters as well as Sports Illustrated. I sent them to NHL headquarters as well but, the address that I had for them was incorrect and I will have to look it up again.

I am currently working on a puzzle of the MLB teams. American League and National Team   using the coaches names as well. Being that the husband and I are Giants fans, I want to make one for the San Francisco Giants as well using the players names as well.

Not a whole lot else to talk about. Today was a rest and relax kind of day. Hopefully soon I will have more to blog about tomorrow. Today is a just chill and not think about anything type of day.

Hope you like the puzzles.

 

Shameless

Yesterday afternoon, I decided that I needed a change. I seen a position open at the company that I work for that is full time (Monday – Friday) and doesn’t require me to deal with the public all that much. You’d think I’d be good working with the public due to the fact that just about every job that I’ve ever had has been some kind of customer service job. I’ve worked for, Pizza places, Schools, City Halls, Amusement Parks, Coffee Houses and now a Hospital. However, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am tired of dealing with stupid. I mean, you can’t fix stupid. You can try but then that just makes you stupid.

I know that wherever I go, I’m going to have to deal with someone that I’m just going to want to ask, “How in the world did you get dressed this morning?” There’s always something about someone’s job that they really don’t like. However, I’m just tired of answering the phones of my employer saying, “Good Morning. Thank You for calling _____. How can I help you? (I work for a hospital) and getting questions like, “Is this Round Table Pizza?” “How do you spell the name Erica?” “Do you know where I can buy a wheelchair?” “This is _________ from Doctor________ office. How do you spell, Wednesday?” “My son just got bit by a rattlesnake. What do I do?” “My girlfriend’s pregnant and her contractions are 5 minutes apart. Should I bring her into the hospital now?” I kid you not! Someone can only take so much before you’re like, “ENOUGH!”  

I’ve come to realize that the “smarter” technology gets the more brainless people get. I mean, we have the internet, phone books and dictionaries being carried in our pockets but yet, people want others to do the work for them and look up information that they don’t want to do themselves. When did society become so lazy?

We are a people where our fore fathers built a country with their blood, sweat and tears and now after 400 plus years of this great nation I feel like we as a society have basically given a big, “screw you” to our founding fathers by being nothing but lazy, over paid and greedy “Americans” that want other people to do our jobs for us while we reap the benefits. What happened to good old fashioned, grabbing the dictionary and looking up a word that you need to know how to spell? Or… since we have the internet now-a-days, why don’t people use it?

Being a person that has always been very independent, when ever I need to know something, I’ll look it up. I’ve always been independent. Something I know my mom has always struggled with; with me. “No mommy, I can dress myself” was something I often said at 3 years old. Well… according to her. But because of the things that I have to deal with in my current job and the fact that I don’t understand my own generation, I decided that, for this blog, I am going to be absolutely shameless. How?

I decided that I am going to sell myself. WOAH! Slow-down! I’m not going to be physically selling myself but, I think the term I should actually use here is, promote myself. Although the hubby and I could use the extra money. JOKE!!!

I sent out a message to all my friends via: Facebook and text messages and asked them to give me words that describe me. This is what they said:

Persistent, Resourceful, Creative, Honest, Spiritual (as opposed to religious), Handy, Naughty (my husband said that), Supportive, Level Headed, Restless, Practical, Brilliant, Determined, Dedicated, Forgiving, Organized, Helpful, Devoted, Responsible & Intelligent. Should I mention that Dedicated, Creative and Determined were given to me multiple times? Myself I would say that I am tenacious; which is just a really nice way of saying, stubborn. However, if I get the job done… tenaciously, I’m still getting the job done.

Despite what you may perceive from my blogs here, I am actually quiet introverted as a person. I don’t walk around with a Cheshire cat grin across my face all the time thus people get the impression, “She’s impersonable!” Not true. As you can see, I am loaded with personality. I just talk when I have something to talk about. When did idle chit-chat become necessary to be “personable” or even make you a “nice person”? If you’d like to know more about introverts, please go to this link: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts It’s awesome! I humbly give this blog my seal of approval.

But, like I said in an earlier Blog:  http://myniknacklife.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/i-want-to-be-peter-brand I want a job that matters. I know that I have so much more that I can give then by just answering the phones all day long and want to bang my head against my desk when I get stupid calls that come in.

As you can see, I know how to use the internet. I know how to use Microsoft Word and Excel. I can put together a Power Point Presentation if I have to. I know how to take pictures. You can go to http://www.Flickr.com/daughterhope to see the work that I’ve done. You know that I can work a telephone switch board. I’ve given a list of words that friends and co-workers have used to describe me. I really am tenacious.

I created multiple word puzzles for the San Jose Sharks and sent them to the broadcasters. I made different Criss-Cross puzzles using the San Jose Sharks players names or Nicknames along with the coaches names as well. I also did a puzzle with all the San Jose Sharks broadcasters names as well as past players, current general manager and past coaches. It took me days to figure out these puzzles but, I did it! I didn’t give up. I also did all the Western Conference teams and Eastern Conference teams using the team name or the city they are in and using the team Captain to represent each team. It took me again, days to figure out but… I did it. I will in fact post these puzzles when I get home to share. Why should Randy, Drew, Jamie, Dan, Brodie, Scott and Bret have all the fun? ;cp

I am currently working on some Baseball puzzles using the American League and the National League teams and their coaches. It’s difficult and I get so close but, no cigar… yet.

I’m not giving up. See… tenacity. May it forever reign.

Now, please, don’t think that I am not grateful that I have a job. My prayer journal is filled with, “Dear Lord, thank You for my job.” Really, I am grateful that I have a job. Lots of people right now are unemployed and would be more then willing to put up with stupid questions to get the paycheck that I get every 2 weeks. I’m not ungrateful. I’m just saying, I know that I have so much more in me then, “Security, you’re needed in the E.R.”. It’s time for change. Even the Bible talks about change. The music group, The Byrds sang it best with the song, Turn! Turn! Turn! using the words from Ecclesiastes 3:1.

I’ve attached my resume to this blog. At least I think I did. Hopefully. I guess nowing all this now, I just have to ask,

Do you feel this way too?

 

 

Nik, Nicki, Nikole

At this moment (well, not at this exact moment) but, at this point in my life (that’s better) my husband and I are trying to have a baby. It’s incredibly frustrating when you hear about how so-&-so got drunk at a party and got pregnant after not making coitus for months. But yet, when your counting days, doing blood tests and taking medication to help you conceive and nothing is happening, it makes you wonder, “Do I need to get drunk too to get pregnant?” “Is that the secret”?

I mean… according to doctors, when trying to conceive, you’re not supposed to drink alcohol. However, some how, it does seem to work. My husband on the other hand is so not a drinking man and doesn’t like it when I drink either. “But honey, the Peach Bellini’s at Johnny Carino’s are so good!” That being said, you must know…

I’m not a mean drunk. I’m actually a very happy drunk. One time while at a San Jose Sharks game, I had one too many Shark-aritas (teal margaritas) and got happily drunk while watching the game all the while cuddling & kissing my husband and telling him how much I loved him. Yeah… he was so not amused.

Yes… I’m a cuddling, “I love you, I love you” kind of drunk. Not that I don’t tell my husband that I love him when I’m not drunk. I do that everyday sober. It’s just really bizarre and terribly frustrating to try to conceive according to doctors “the right way” and not have that little pink plus sign pop up when you take that test when your feeling “weird”. Yet, it seems like every magazine and Yahoo! news story I see is about some celebrity who, “Oops!” got pregnant without even “trying”. So not fair.

You know… you’d think God would be like, “Ok, you’ve both got stable careers; you own your own home. You pay your bills on time. You love me (always a plus). Ok, I now bestow upon you a baby. May you dry heave w/morning sickness for the next 3 months.” But no… not happening.

I mean… we’ve already got names picked out for our children. I’m obsessed when it comes to names. But, I have reason to be. That reason being my first name has not always been my first name. Huh?!?

When I was born, my mom named me, Hope. Hope Nicole was my first and middle name. Growing up, I always despised my name. It stood out and I really didn’t want it to. All I wanted to do was blend in. Why?

In Jr. High I started getting called, “Hopeless, Hope the dope, Bob Hope, Hope can’t cope, Hopie the Dopey” every single day of school. It didn’t help that I got to go home and hear my parents call me some of those names too (oh yes, they did.) From the age of 12 I justly and whole heartedly despised my name and at the age of 30; deciding that I was not getting any younger and wanted to start living for me and not other people, I decided to changed my name. Now as an adult, I didn’t get called, “Hopeless or Hope the dope” (well, not to my face anyways) but I did get the whole, “I HOPE you’re having a good day”. Or, “Hope springs eternal!” Or… (the one that I’ve been hearing since I was a kid) “She’s got, high Hopes! She’s got high Hopes!” Frank Sinatra didn’t do me any favors in singing that song. So… after deciding that I was tired of people amusing themselves with my name, I decided to do something about it.

Basically all I did was switch my first name and middle name around and then change the spelling of Nicole to Nikole. Yeah, I’m just a rebel like that. My hubby once dated a girl named Nicki for a while and things did not end well. So… when talking to my hubby about changing my name, he said that he would call me, Nik instead of Nicki. I was fine and could live with that. However, when leaving a note for the hubs, I didn’t want to sign it, N, I, C. I wanted to spell it how it sounded. N, I, K. Nikole, Nicki & Nik are all names that I can live with. When naming my children, I don’t want to give them unique names. I hear some of the names that people come up with and I just have to wonder, “Is that the name that YOU wish you were born with?” Your child is the one that has to live with that name. They are the one that is going to have to write it on homework, applications, resumes, name tags. I mean… I love Beyonce. She’s incredibly talented. She’s a smart and savvy business women however, I just have one question to ask… who in the world names their child (especially their daughter), Blue?

Name Tag: My name is… Blue?

The names that my hubby and I picked out are traditional but not names that you hear all the time. Our children’s middle names will be more on the unique side but their first names will not stand out like mine did. I so will not do that to my children.

Parents need to understand how names affect their kids. Just because you’re hoping that your child will stand out and you give them a unique name, doesn’t mean that they will stand out in a good way. Studies have shown that boys given names like, Shannon or Francis are more likely to act out around the age of 10 to 12 then boys given more masculine names.

If we have boys, they will definitely have masculine names and people will know that they are boys. Now, I’m not talking about naming my kid Rambo here, but names like, Jeremy, Jacob, Deacon & Nathan are all names that I really like. The hubby likes some of them too.

If I have a girl, let,s just say, names like, Isabella, Neveah, Elle, Avery, Juliette will NOT be used. I really like the name Adrienne but, my hubby is a no go when it comes to that name. I made the mistake of sharing my favorite girls name with someone a long time ago and when they got pregnant, they ended up using it. So… the girl’s names that I love will stay with me.

I’m hoping that within the year of 2012 I will be able to conceive and have a baby. If I get pregnant this month, I will be due is December which will suck for my kids for it’s so close to Christmas. I always think people get hosed when their birthdays are so close to Christmas. But… what can you do? It will be the best Christmas present ever to say, hello to my precious little miracle… or miracles. Yes… being on fertility meds ups your chances of having twins & the hubby already has twins that run in his family. Twins are a very good possibility.

After reading all of this and either laughing or rolling your eyes, I just have to ask,

Am I alone here or do you feel this way too?